Given that the title of my blog is "this Yeshiva Bachora," I figured its about time I share a little of what I've been learning.
Since Sukkot, my Chumash (Bible) class has been studying the book of Shmot (Exodus). Believe it or not, it took us from mid-October until two weeks ago to get through the first Parsha, or the amount that gets read on a single Shabbat morning (in this case, chapters 1-5). Sometimes we can spend as long as 45 minutes discussing a single verse. Anyways, two weeks ago we had a siyyum (literally, "completion"), a celebration in recognition of our finishing the parsha. Everyone in our class gave a very short, informal D'var Torah, or"word of Torah", similar to a sermon. Since this Shabbat is Parshat Shmot (when we read the first parsha of the book of Shmot) I thought it would be fitting to post my D'var Torah here.
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What bothered me most as we studied Parshat Shmot is the extent to which it seems Moshe (Moses) avoids the task that God sets before him as long as possible. The conversation between God and Moshe at the burning bush is a whole chapter and a half long, and Moshe seems to go around and around again, repeating his arguments/excuses ("Who am I to go before Pharaoh?"..."The people won't believe me"..."I'm heavy of mouth and heavy of speech"..."Send someone else") until finally God gets angry. Only then does Moshe go--but not to Egypt, as God told him to, but back to his father-in-law Jethro. God actually has to speak to Moshe again to say, "Nu? Get moving already!" Rashbam even suggests that when he does finally set out, Moshe intentionally dawdles by taking along his wife and sons; he knew they were going to slow him down.
What I find so troubling about this is not just that it challenges the humble version of Moshe I was familiar with growing up. I am troubled because everything else we learn about Moshe in Shmot until this point indicates that he has exactly the unique set of skills he needs to carry out his his task, so its all the more surprising when he so strongly resists doing it.
Moshe has the ideal leadership qualities both to go to Pharaoh and to lead the Jewish people. First of all, he has a dual identity; having grown up in Pharaoh's household, he is both a Hebrew and and Egyptian. This puts him in a unique position to relate to both peoples. Secondly, he has an incredible capacity for empathy. When Moshe first goes out from Pharaoh's palace to be among the Hebrews, the text says that he "saw
in their suffering," rather than saying simply that he "saw their suffering". Rashi says that this "in" indicates that Moshe "gave his eyes and his heart" to their suffering; i.e. he really felt and understood the suffering of the Hebrews.
Moshe also has the capacity to see the full picture. Before killing the Egyption he sees beating a Hebrew, he looked and "saw that their was no man." The literal understanding of this is that he made sure no one was watching. But the commentators have more to say. Rashi gives two interpretations: one is that Moshe was fully able to understand the dynamics of the backstory to the mens' relationship (the Egyptian had slept with the Hebrew's wife, its a little complicated); the second is that Moshe looked into the future and saw that no redeeming descendant of this Egyptian would be born before he decided to kill him. A third interpretation is that he saw "no man" means that he saw that the Egyptian was acting like an animal. What all of these explanations have in common is Moshe's ability to discern the dynamics of human interactions and to understand the story fully before deciding to act.
The Sforno makes a similar argument about Moshe's character. He points out that Moshe happens upon three injustices, and responds differently to each one. When he sees the Egyptian beating a Hebrew, he responds with vengeance; when he sees two Hebrews fighting, he responds by rebuking the aggressor; and when he sees Jethro's daughters being harassed by the shepherds, he rescues them. In each situation, he judges the circumstances and responds appropriately.
Essentially, these examples show us that Moshe has the perfect leadership skills to go to Pharaoh and lead the Jewish people out of Egypt. He has all the tools in his toolbox that he needs to do his task. Why, then, does he stall about it?
The lesson that I take from this is that having the skills and attributes we need is not the same thing as putting them into action. It's not a given that just because we have the tools, we will automatically open our toolbox and use them. Or, put another way, whatever good and useful characteristics we have, we also have characteristics that hold us back and slow us down. Who knows what Moshe's challenges were that were holding him back, but he had to overcome them before he could carry out his task.
My bracha (blessing) for all of you is that you are able to figure out what is slowing you down, what personal challenges are preventing you from using the skills you have, so that we are all able to recognize our full potential. Shabbat Shalom!
